Namine needing surgery on her ear is not a sure thing, not yet at least. After yet another ENT visit today, though, I think they’re as tired as we are. But I think no one is quite as tired of this as Namine. She threw up when she saw the doctor.

Namine did not have her ear sucked out today, though. They decided to forego that torture; instead, Jessica and I will be flushing her ear at home, three times a day. It’s a horse a piece, really: Namine hates having her ear flushed nearly as much as she hates having crap sucked out of it. (At least, that’s what I thought at the time. I’ll get there in a bit.)

Something about Namine – she is strong. She doesn’t look it at all, though; she’s tiny, even her torso is much smaller than her same-age peers’ torsos, to say nothing of her legs, which are and always will be proportionally smaller. Namine has put on weight since having her g-tube removed – somewhere in the ballpark of ten pounds – and her arms look soft and toddler-chubby, but they are like iron bars when she sets her will against the person holding her down. I’m also fairly certain that her proportional neck strength, in an adult, would break a leather belt. It usually takes at least three people to hold her down successfully.

So fast forward to tonight. I told Namine that I was giving her ear drops, but she’s no dummy. She knows what the ear drop vial looks like, and she knows that a syringe is never a good sign. I held her down by myself – no simple task – and irrigated her ear. You’ll pardon the expression – or maybe you won’t, I don’t really care – it must have burned like a motherfucker. Namine was screaming and pleading “NO NO NO” for two hours. She finally fell asleep after being given Tylenol, and I can only hope that she stays asleep.

After being on the phone with Children’s Hospital ENT and Special Needs, it is decided by all parties involved to discontinue the irrigation. (Personally, I couldn’t give a shit even if they said to continue it. I will not do that again.) From this point on, all we can do is keep her comfortable and wait for the worst to pass.


  1. How awful, not only for Namine, but also for you, that she’s had to endure this pain and distress. We’re praying extra-hard that God will provide some relief, whether through surgery or her body’s ability to heal.

    We love you all.

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