Disclaimer: Jessica hates ketchup. No, Jessica despises ketchup. So join us, won’t you, for a conversation Jessica had with the so-called (thus the finger quotes) cook – whose primary language is most definitely not english – in the hospital cafeteria.

“Does there need to be ketchup on all the brats?”

“Ketchup?”

“The red stuff.”

“Oh yes, yes, it is on there.”

“No. Do they all come with the red stuff. Ketchup.”

“Yes.” He waved his hand, miming squirting ketchup on an invisible brat.

“I don’t want ketchup.”

“It is on there.”

Jessica shook her head vehemently. “I. Don’t. Want. Ketchup.”

“Oh. You should have said so.”

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Husband. Daddy. Programmer. Artist. I’m not an expert, I just play one in real life.